Emily Timbol

Fiction Author. Good at making stuff up.

Like Real Life, But With Crappier Mattresses


This past weekend I went camping with my boyfriend and two couples with whom I’ve been very good friends with since college. When I say camping, I mean staying in a building that has heating, air-conditioning, plumbing, and a kitchen, but doesn’t have a TV. You see, it’s still “roughing it” because everywhere you go nowadays has TVs, so that’s just getting back to nature. I tried real, actual, tent on the ground camping with these friends before and this is what happened:

 1) I locked my keys in my car 30 seconds after arriving and had to wait, without my jacket, for two hours for AAA to arrive.
2) I almost got hypothermia after shivering all night from sleeping on the freezing cold wet ground, after a night of 40 degree rain in May.
3) I wandered around with my hands out in front of me in the pitch black for 45 minutes, bumping into trees after forgetting that, while it’s super easy to find my way TO the bathrooms without a flashlight (since they’re well lit) finding my way BACK without a flashlight is impossible, since our tents are not. I’m pretty sure I stepped on a raccoon.

None of us have gone tent camping since that disastrous trip, but since we still want to be the type of white people that can say they, “like getting to know the wild outdoors” we packed up our laptops, ipods, cell phones, stereos, and (no joke) kitchen aid stand mixers, and headed off to our cabin.

The highlight of the trip was probably this event. Which I will sum up with dialogue and screenplay esque character direction.

(In the cabin, approximately 3 minutes after arriving and greeting our friends)
Me: “Ryan, do you want to go out to the car to get the rest of the stuff?”
Ryan: “Sure”
(Ryan & I exit the cabin and begin to walk to the car 200 yards away. On the sidewalk there are two shadowy figures approaching us)
Me: “OK, this should be interesting.”
(The shadowy figures materialize into two very, very drunk male college students)
Drunk College Student #1: “Hi! We heard you guyss making somee noise (swaying) and thought we’d say hello.”
Drunk College Student #2: “Yaa! We’re in cabin…..uhm…cabin number thhree.”
Me: “Well it looks like you guys are having fun.”
#1: We are! We’re partying!!
#2: Partying!!
Me: (stupidly deciding to attempt humor) WOO! Us too! We even have Four Loko!!!

I’m going to take a break here and say that this was a big mistake. In case you aren’t aware, Four Loko is an alcoholic energy drink hybrid that has been banned in numerous states, probably for it’s apt nickname, “blackout in a can.” Google it, or better yet, search for videos on Youtube with it. Yes, we actually did have some, six cans, for six of us, only 3 of which were consumed, and no, my friends are not alcoholics – it was more for the irony.

#1 & #2: “FOUR LOKO!! Can we meet your friends?!”
Me: “Uh, OK.”
Ryan (to me): “This is not a good idea.”
Me: “Eh, let’s just see what happens.”
Me: (Opening door of cabin) “Hey guys, guess what, we made some friends!”
#1&#2 (&#3 who came out of nowhere): “Hey!!!!”
Friends: (stares of shock and disbelief)

What followed was about 10 minutes of really awkward conversation, with three very drunk, and one could tell in the light – very stoned, strangers, who in less time than it takes to change a tire, insulted one of my friends jobs, hit on a married woman in front of her husband (saying “We can have sex right now”), and stole a tray of cinnamon buns we had made for breakfast.

I know how to party!

The whole experience reminded me why I do a lot of the things that I do – for the story. You see, sometimes, it turns out really bad, like when five of us have to convince our friend not to go and beat up Drunk College Student #2, but sometimes, it turns out really good – like when I decide to crazily move into a house with five other people and two cats and it helps me to see how selfish of a person I am and inspires me to grow. That’s what I want to be all about – living a good story, and doing things that make life worthwhile, not mundane. Whether it’s momentarily befriending idiots (they could have been really cool was my defense) or challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone – I want to be daily making the decision to really live life, not just float through it in comfort and routine.

Now – someone please call the doctor, because I just drank a leftover Four Loko, and I feel like I’m about to pass ou018mn fnf3g0491kd,d,[]fp02856kdhv,v.bmneue;glefuv n

(just kidding – please don’t send the paramedics to my work, my boss would not like that.)

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